They can't process their feelings, so they put their pain away for later, burying it deep within them until it eventually it bubbles to the surface.In any case, they seem to be doing alright for now. I just hope that there are no long-term emotional issues they'll have to face; although I expect it.The reason I'm putting pen to paper about all of this is two-fold. First, my therapist suggested it. He called it a 'project' to help me work my feelings out about things. Whatever, I will give it a shot.And for my kids, not just for me. I need to be whole for them.In losing Anita, I seem to have also lost myself. I mean, I'm a proud guy. I've always been the one others call when they have problems. I was in the Navy and did two deployments to Iraq, so I'm not a crybaby, I'm a realist. The diagnosis was made, and we sought treatment. We did all we could, but cancer is an invitation to the other side to which, in most cases, the RSVP can not be withdrawn.Nothing motivates me now. It's as if. So am I. I lean back to your face and start kissing you sensually and slowest move to your neck, kiss to the other side of your neck, scoot my body down and start running my tongue down to your chest and that now hard and puffy nipple and BITE it. Hard enough to make you gasp for air and then flick it with my tongue. I look up at you and your head is cocked back and chin in the air, mouth open. Now I quickly kiss my way up and start kissing you again but now I am pressing my body against yoursI get up off you and stand up, take my pants, boxers and socks off, leaving only my button down shirt on and tell you to get up and get on your knees. You ignore me. I smack your inner thigh and tell you again. You lay still and quietly say no. Grr. I smack the other inner thigh, harder this time and you whimper quickly and get up and then in your knees in front of my. I smack your face w my cock again and remind you to be good or there will be consequences and tell you to open your mouth and I.
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